I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
