these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize