the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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