Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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