we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
