dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
