you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
