I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Duck Duck Cougar?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
