Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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