"it" just moved
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
