Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize