It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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