So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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