Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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