Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
