getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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