YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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