with your own penis?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
MIDGETS
????
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
