im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
