puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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