I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so let's talk penis.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
