well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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