Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
