Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
