I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
