Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
