my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
