I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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