I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
