handjob tips. give me some.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
