New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I deserve this hangover.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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