i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
