the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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