I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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