It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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