I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
