So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
