Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize