Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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