Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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