Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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