I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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