the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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