thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
