beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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