Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
