You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
