I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
