Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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