what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
