I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
