Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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