My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize