He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it because I queefed?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
