then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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