why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
