hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
