How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
