Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
