A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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