Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
