Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
