You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
