the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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