remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Randomize
