Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
