The maid of honor just puked.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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