he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
