Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
