She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
